Author Topic: Comic Con 2014 (July 23-27)  (Read 778 times)

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Neumatic

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Re: Comic Con 2014 (July 23-27)
« Reply #15 on: July 16, 2014, 06:03:40 am »
I've been avoiding spending as much as possible for as long as I could in anticipation of this trip... especially because when I first brought it up, the response "I think you should."  Seven months later, it's "you don't still want to DO that, do you?"  A very derisive, dismissive sneer.

I would feel guilty about taking a little trip while I'm not working, but I feel guilty about all kinds of stuff all the time.  I just feel like I would get grief for it.  I'm a real closed book so it's not evident to everyone else that I'm anxious, stressed out and depressed all the time.  I feel like if I go, I'm gonna get sh*t when I get back about not having a job... and I've been avoiding that for a long while.  I've got more faith in my abilities as a writer than my family does, and way more faith that my writing can get me an actual income than Walgreens or whatever.  I just feel like there's going to be misery no matter what I do.

And worse, at the best what's happened is my whole trip is tainted.  If I go, part of it will be defiance and a middle finger, and that ruins it.  I'd be going, in part, to prove something, and I'm better than that.  AND it'll be seen as me being irresponsible for taking a trip alone or for spending that kind of money when I'm not working.  And if I do the calculations and decide NOT to go, I won't get credit for making a responsible choice.

 

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