Buy, Rent or Skip Jupiter Ascending?

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Author Topic: Jupiter Ascending (2015)  (Read 178 times)

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Re: Jupiter Ascending (2015)
« on: February 26, 2016, 04:02:04 pm »

When I first saw the trailer way back when it came out, I was marginally interested. Kinda. Not really. My perception of what Jupiter Ascending would be; turned out to be exactly what I thought: complete garbage. This movie is a total time waster and not in a good way. Yes, Jupiter Ascending has a lot of eye candy, but The Wachowski's even manage to f*ck that up as well. The character and set design was so poorly done that never at any time could I distinguish between the foreground and the background. Everything looked the same and just blended into one giant pile of sh*t. Also, even if they managed to put some thought into and created distinct and contrasting imagery, be it the characters or the Set pieces, it still would have amounted to nothing given the fact that the editing was absolutely horrible in every action scene. I can handle the MTV editing that dominates most flicks these days. Not a problem. They just went above and beyond the norm here with no forethought to pacing which ironically enough did the opposite of wowing me. It bored me to tears.

Now this is all the "Good Stuff" in the movie!!! The Bad Stuff is definitely the story. What a f*cking joke this turned out to be. It made no f*cking sense whatsoever. I just got finished watching the movie this morning and I still don't know what the f*ck was happening. The characters themselves were beyond boring. They were stupid. They were cardboard cutouts and don't even get me started on their characterizations and motivations. Seriously, who would ever act and react in the manner that Mila Kunis' character does when learning she "owns" planet Earth? She was so matter of fact about it that whatever came afterward was completely irrelevant. The one thing the movie did manage to do was elicit laughter from me whenever Eddie Redmayne uttered his lines in that stupid, monotone voice or whatever the f*ck he was going for. This is LOL stuff. Awful. What a joke of a performance. Look, I was a fan of The Wachowski's at one time back in the late 90's, but they have not made anything worthwhile in 16 years. They are nothing more than M. Night Shyamalan's in a pod and should just go away. As for the movie. SKIP!! FYI, I'm really surprised that Channing Tatum  career survived this turkey.
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