yea, yea, yea, I know this should be in comedy gold. Bite me... it's to cold to think.

Canadian Cold

+70 degrees
Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear.
People in Canada go swimming in the Lakes.

+60 degrees
North Carolinians try to turn on the heat.
People in Canada plant gardens.

+50 degrees
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Canada sunbathe.

+40 degrees
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Canada drive with the windows down.

+32 degrees
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Superior's water gets thicker.

+20 degrees
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and woolly hats.
People in Canada throw on a flannel shirt.

+15 degrees
Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Canada have the last cookout before it gets cold.

0 degrees
People in Miami all die...
Canadians lick the flagpole.

20 below
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Canada get out their winter coats.

40 below
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Canada are selling cookies door to door.

60 below
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

80 below
Mt. St. Helens freezes.
People in Canada rent some videos.

100 below
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

297 below
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
Cows in Canada complain about farmers with cold hands.

460 below
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale).
People in Canada start saying, "Eh, Cold 'nuff for ya?"

500 below
Hell freezes over.
The Leafs win the Stanley Cup