To Do List of President Obama.

8:00 A.M.: Wake up . . . still president. Holy crap, America's stupid! Hit snooze button.

8:09 A.M.: Wake up . . . from horrible dream that Joe Biden is still vice president….Wait, WHAT?!

8:50 A.M.: String my Kenyan birth certificate to the top of the White House flagpole. Ha ha! Whatcha gonna do 'bout it now, suckers?

9:00 A.M.: Call Labor Department and tell them they can quit fudging employment reports.

9:15 A.M.: Write thank-you notes to sanctimonious Hollywood celebrities for FINALLY taking the opportunity to tell America how to think.

10:00 A.M.: Look at the $16 trillion ...