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The Lobby => Off-Topic => Topic started by: Mac on August 28, 2012, 02:10:10 pm

Title: Arrogance vs. Confidence
Post by: Mac on August 28, 2012, 02:10:10 pm
For about the past 9 months, Iíve been in a new assignment. The intent was one direction I was familiar with, but actually it turned quickly into another direction, that I was not even remotely familiar with. Iíve changed assignments over the years so much itís not new to me. In fact, on occasion, Iíve asked for the change because quite frankly I get easily bored with repetition. In some ways I would think doing the same thing like factory work would be bliss, but mostly I think it would be hell.

Now my recent 180 degree career turn has brought some challenges. Iíve been wrestling with this every day since Iíve arrived. Since Iíve not been fully trained nor had experience in the subject at hand, it was decided that I become a mentee to the Ďsubject matter expertí. Iíve known ĎBobí for a long time. Just havenít had to spend more than an hour at any one time. Now, I am under his wing, 8 hours a day, my perspective have changed dramatically. Iím not going to get into a whine rant, which would only alleviate stress for a few minutes. Iíve positioned myself to take it and use this experience for my own well being.

This has lead to my primary thought of what is the difference between arrogance and confidence, because of Bob. Life experiences are great teachers. If you havenít be been observing life as youíre walking through it and learning from it, youíre a fool. Iíve seen confidence. Iíve seen arrogance. In my mind, they are pretty clear, but there can be fine lines and I believe thatís all due to how you, yourself react to this personís characteristics.

There has been many a day I just want to scream, or worse, to say take a flying leap. But this outburst would only be fatal. So Iíve grown thick skin and now try to posture myself to understand, not only myself, but this personís characteristics I have to deal with. Iím learning many things. Sometimes they slowly fade in, other times itís a light bulb. The light bulb in this case has been questioning what is arrogance vs. confidence. And it all started with my mentor telling me I need to show confidence. In my mind confidence is having that knowledge and leveraging it to it best use. But my mentor told me to have confidence despite what I knowÖ or donít. In my mind, that is arrogance. Not knowing your limits. I want to be confident and depending on the subject at hand, I can gain it quickly or it can take years. Iím dealing with an arrogant individual that does indeed know his subject, but he does not know how to deal with people. Well, not fully. He gets some things right, but many times his arrogance shines and defeats his purpose.

One example is sometime back, he started to call me butt boy. Grunt if you will. It struck me as wrong from the first time I heard it. I was not in a position to ask him to stop. I forgot to say his arrogance was matched his never to tell him anything, only ask questions mentality. Mostly butt boy was in his face to face teaching moments, but one time in a big meeting he said it to everybody. I did not react in anyway, but just left. Not sulking. Just left. I was not interested in any further discussion in the meeting. He noticed and approached me. He knew something was wrong. I wonder if he knew something the whole time. Anyway, he did recognize someone elseís feelings besides his own. This was a breakthrough for him.

I do think he has been learning from me as well. I didnít particularly ask for this but feel, maybe it is something I have to offer and maybe God is directing me a little. Iím learning, heís learning, hopefully. I do see a lot of emptiness in him. We have a lot in common. Loss of love (our wifeís), family conflicts, etc. As long as I can see some change, I will continue to try. I canít imagine myself in this position forever. So as a hopeful attitude I see I will benefit somehow out of this, despite being some of the worst work situation Iíve been in. Thereís been one other way worse, but thatís for another day.

So this discussion is really for arrogance vs. confidence and I like what Michele Cushatt has to say


A large portion of my life is spent either on a stage, prepping for a stage, or working with those who make their living on a stage. Whether the medium is speaking or writing, my world is a public one.

After spending years in this arena, however, Iíve discovered the spotlight grows arrogance like the sun grows grass. Hardly a week passes when I donít encounter someone (online or in person) who reeks of self-importance. Iíve always had a sensitive sniffer, and the stench of arrogance can turn my nose up in a split second.

About as quickly as I mutter my displeasure, Iím struck with a horrible thought: What if I stink just as bad? What if my attitude and responses are polluted by a rotten root of arrogance within? Quite often Arrogance is the last person to see herself clearly.

More often than not, I struggle with a thread of insecurity. And so I attempt to reassure myself: Arrogance and insecurity canít coexist, can they? Yes, they can. In fact, arrogance is often an attempt to mask an acute awareness of weakness. Self-deprecation is its own form of self-consumption. Whether Iím glossing myself or mourning my failures, Iím still making it all about me.

Arrogance repels. Confidence, on the other hand, attracts. Like a fulcrum centered between two distasteful extremes, confidence keeps a person grounded and draws other people in. It provides a sense of safety, for self and others. It inspires, encourages, challenges, leads. One definition describes confidence this way:

The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. The state of feeling certain about the truth of something.

A person of confidence knows where she stands. She isnít compelled to carry ďlook at me!í signs and brag about her position or strengths. She is simply aware of both, grateful for her gifts, and determined to use them to the best of her ability.

The line between confidence and arrogance often appears thin, but the canyon between the two is significant. How can you recognize the difference?

Posture. Arrogance carries himself with a telltale swagger. He carries his own spotlight and shows off as often as possible. Heís aggressive and difficult to approach, even as heís vying for attention. Confidence walks tall, assured, but far less domineering. He is approachable, adopting an open and easy posture. No flashy signs or side-show are needed. Being himself is enough.

Conversation. Arrogance spends more time bragging and less time inquiring, more time talking and less time listening. He doesnít ask many questions, because he canít afford to lose any ground. Confidence inquires and then listens. He doesnít get defensive at differing responses or feel compelled to disagree or respond. Heís certain of what he believes, but is open enough to allow for the opinions and exploration of others.

Relationships. The difference between confidence and arrogance might be most noticeable in relationships. Arrogance brags and then belittles, puffs up self while deflating others. Arrogance feels threatened by othersí success, and often turns it into a competition. Confidence is aware of both his strengths and weaknesses. He also allows for the strengths and weaknesses of others. He is unafraid to celebrate the success of others, as well as his own. This makes him easy to be around.

History. Arrogance promises the moon, but typically delivers nothing but air. He boasts about his strengths, but when the time comes and his strengths are needed, he rarely shows up. If life were a poker game, Arrogance would be great at bluffing. Heís more concerned about image than true success. Confidence knows how to work hard. He lets his efforts and achievements speak for themselves. If you look at his track record, youíll see consistency and follow through.
Confidence is a work of the heart. Like the frame of a house, itís the solid internal support without which a person will eventually fall. Arrogance, on the other hand, is a frantic attempt to hang curtains on a frameless home. It adds color and draws attention, but itís a poor coverup for whatís missing at heart.

So like the author, I want to know where I stand and be confident. Life just becomes easier.
Title: Re: Arrogance vs. Confidence
Post by: Chiprocks1 on August 28, 2012, 02:30:02 pm
I don't know how you can put up with this kind of behavior for as long as you have. You're a better man than me for sure. I've worked with a lot of people over the years and have never been able to just sit and take it. Not saying that's what you did. Figure of speech on my part. Normally I will let things play out to see if the other person will self correct themselves. In most cases or about 99% of the time, they never do. So, in that time where I don't see any improvement, I also see how these individuals start rubbing other people the wrong way (not just me) and I end up addressing the situation, usually to everyone's delight.

Life is way to short to have to put up with bullsh*t like this. I don't wake up in the morning and drive to work just so that I can begin my day dreading a hostile work environment. I have taxes to do that for me when they would take a big chunk out of my paycheck. No, work should be a place where you can be productive, not just for the company, but for your own benefit as it keeps the mind active. The bonus is making lasting friendships that you can take beyond the work place.

I'm glad you are moving on and to some extent your co-worker as well. Keep your chin up dude.
Title: Re: Arrogance vs. Confidence
Post by: Mac on August 28, 2012, 03:40:24 pm
Thanks man, and I do get what you're saying. I've been saying. Life is too short for this bulls hit. There's a million people here in this company and I work with the bigger douche's in the company.


I've expressed months back to my real boss (mentor/mentee is just temporary things), that this is not a good fit. Keep the eyes and ears open to something else.

The company is in a very uncomfortable position. With the sequestering coming from congress soon, everybody is just on edge, scared, etc. I'll hold out for the election and early next year. See if I'm safe.

Title: Re: Arrogance vs. Confidence
Post by: Mac on January 25, 2013, 04:04:17 pm
Oh happy days...

I've got a new assignment. I had thought about this over winter break. I had to leave or some bad things were going to happen

Bored to death
Loose my cool
Say hings I shouldn't
Loosing sleep
Stomach problems
Skipping work

I talked with my supervisors and got things in motion. It happened quick. I am so happy.
I know some of the guys where I'm going and I believe this will be good in so many ways.

So before I go in two weeks, I'm taking a weeks vacation, to be away from **** and take time before work kicks in full time again.

BUT... Guess what, **** wants me back to be with him for 4 days to review and test.

What a dick

So typical of him, to pull a dick move like that. What will 4 days do? I know, last moments to show his arrogance, make me feel how much I don't know.

Oh we'll, gotta let it go. Grit though the 4 days, uncomfortable as it will be.
Title: Re: Arrogance vs. Confidence
Post by: Mac on January 25, 2013, 04:44:45 pm

I found another side affect...

 I noticed myself giving off dick like characteristics, to my wife, family and others. I knew it as soon as I did them. What a horrible character to take on because your around it. I noticed the people in the room are far different than what I'm used too. Mostly quiet. Very little kidding around. Maybe not because of him, but still a very stifling atmosphere.

Title: Re: Arrogance vs. Confidence
Post by: Chiprocks1 on January 25, 2013, 05:04:04 pm
Yeah, just let it go and get back to what you want to be....the life of the party. Your life. Not his. Time to start enjoying it again!! Drink up buddy!!
Title: Re: Arrogance vs. Confidence
Post by: Mac on January 25, 2013, 07:48:44 pm