Penny Can

The Lobby => Off-Topic => Topic started by: Mac on September 09, 2011, 07:37:05 am

Title: In Memory of Dani...
Post by: Mac on September 09, 2011, 07:37:05 am
In Memory of Dani…

First, I don’t want this thread to be a buzz kill. In fact the opposite. I want be people to be able to smile and have joy in their heart about my beautiful daughter Danielle.

Today, Dani would have been 26. I can only imagine what she would be like. Married? Career? Kids? I know what I have thought but that doesn’t matter anymore.

Dani was 12 years old when the accident happened. Mom driving her to her gymnastics class, across a very busy intersection that then did not have a light. Everything is burned into my brain the events that happened that night. Beyond that, I literally have no recollection of anything in the following year or so.
Dani was a petite girl with ambitions to dance and act and had a laugh that was infectious. I tried to help coach her softball team, but to her own desires, really wasn’t interested. She played one year for me but she wanted more girly things and that was so fine with me.

A phenomenal student and loved by many with several very close friends that I had the pleasure to have part of our family.

Dani and her brother were very tight. Sure they had their typical brother/sister differences and arguments, but they got along so well.  Maybe it was only the two year difference. Maybe they were so like each other. They were never a problem and I was proud of them.

In the beginning I had hatred towards God, but over time, while I still don’t know the ‘Why’, I’ve accepted the thinking that God cried too when she died. 

Instead I look at it as God gave me this gift of this precious little girl and I was honored to be part of her life for 12 amazing years.

I would like to create another web site dedicated to my daughter… and son. Just post some pics and tell the world about my special little girl.
I completely and wholeheartedly believe Dani and Alex are the reasons I was put on earth.

So smile and know there is so much love for a beautiful girl that graced our presence, even if for a little while.

Title: Re: In Memory of Dani...
Post by: Chiprocks1 on September 09, 2011, 07:42:01 am
Mac, never make apologies or think it's a buzz kill. Thanks for sharing and letting us in on something very personal and private to you and your family.
Title: Re: In Memory of Dani...
Post by: Mac on February 25, 2015, 12:25:39 pm
Ran across this piece I wrote some time ago. It just hit me how little has changed and how so much has changed.


Never has such a sting. It has a hurt like I ever have felt before.

Never is such a powerful concept.  Everybody knows the meaning of the word, very few feel it or are concerned about it. We may "never" see a someone again or we may "never" visit a place again. But this is OK. In fact it becomes "never" for probably a good reason.
We fall away from friends or we have no ambition to go back to that certain place. It is something accepted. Never becomes important when we expect things to happen and they disappear, never to happen again.

Never makes me cry now. It is something that stares me in the face every day, all day. It will be hurting me til the day I die. You see, my daughter Danielle died 4 years ago. She was a shining star. A beautiful girl ready to take on the world.
I will never see her accomplish this.
I will never see her laugh, sing or dance again.
I can never have a conversation with her.
I can never look into her eyes and see her warmth and love.
I can never tell her I love her and see her face light up.
I can never hold her tight in my arms.
I will never see her grow up, go to school get married, have kids.

Everytime I said never in the sentences above, never ripped through my heart.

It is so hard to ever turn on a smile knowing I will never feel the joy and happiness Dani brought to me. None of it makes sense and it never will.

Never is such a long time. I can only hope it will be an instant for Dani before I see her again in heaven.

Dani's dad
Title: Re: In Memory of Dani...
Post by: Chiprocks1 on February 25, 2015, 12:59:06 pm
That right there is powerful. Every word of it.
Title: Re: In Memory of Dani...
Post by: Mac on September 13, 2016, 10:52:00 am
Dani's Birthday was a few days ago. I miss her so.

I thought about it all that day. I no longer go to the grave site. It's a yin-yang, sweet/sour visit. Sometimes I would think I could feel her... other times it just seemed so stark. So I don't go there.
I do go through my box of stuff of hers. Pictures, letters, cards, artwork. It can be intense. Other times, it's a joy. If I think about it too much, then it becomes incredibly hard to do anything. It hits me unexpectedly about 5-6 times a year. So I try to balance with just enough of her to fill me up with joy.

She would be 31 today and it's becoming extremely difficult to imagine what she would be like. Sure I could kind of  imagine her a beautiful young woman, but don't get much beyond an angelic image. What would she be like? Career? Kids? Family? Interests? Home?

I just write here for myself and reconcile on occasion. It does have it's cathartic virtues.

So many what if's.

Dani... I love you and will never stop loving you.
Title: Re: In Memory of Dani...
Post by: Chiprocks1 on September 13, 2016, 11:40:08 am
Knowing the kind of person you are, she would be just like you, no doubt.
Title: Re: In Memory of Dani...
Post by: Mac on September 13, 2016, 04:26:06 pm
Thanks for the kind words. I'll go with that.  :)