Where Have All The Monsters Gone? [Things I'm Still Bitter About]

This is a great rant about the state of horror movies and monsters. Completely agree with his take.

Posted by Rob Allyn

Am I just crazy or have all the good movie monsters disappeared and all that’s left to frighten the general masses (barely frighten, that is) are ghosts, vampires, and zombies? What the hell happened?! When I was growing up we had a plethora of movie monsters just waiting to give us the heebie-jeebies, and now all that seems to be left are a measly gathering of the undead.

I know for a while now Hollywood has appeared to have a problem with creativity and all they manage to produce are remakes and adaptations, but that can still work for the monster movies. There are tons of horrifying monster stories just waiting to be adapted to film and probably a bazillion terrifying, low-budget, B-movie creatures hoping for a better writer or director or production company to come along and breathe new life into them. Personally, I would love to see a remake of The Creature from The Black Lagoon brought to life rather than another vampire or zombie film spewed out. I thought a trend of reviving classic movie monsters might start with The Wolfman remake, but since it didn’t do as well financially as expected and suffered from less-than-spectacular reviews, that trend never made it’s way out of the castle to torment the villagers (See what I did there). I mean, I enjoyed the film. It felt like a classic Wolfman film and made me jump at times. Apparently that’s not enough.

With the way we see real life unfolding everyday on the news, what with terrorism and violence spreading like a plague through our day-to-day lives, it’s possible that Hollywood is delving into a “less nightmarish escape from reality” mentality. I think one of the big problems is that a majority of the Hollywood big-wigs, the people the shell out the cash, don’t believe that people still want to be scared. That’s why we’re seeing an overabundance of comedies (romantic and Bro), emotional dramas (chick flicks and sappy, overcoming tragedy and adversity films), and action films (things go boom). When we do get a horror show, it’s nothing to get excited about. “Oh wow, another Paranormal Activity.” “Gee whiz, another zombie flick.” Or how about one more serial killer/slasher/deranged psychopath movie filled with idiotic teens, who in all honesty should be wiped out entirely in the first 10 minutes of those films. None of the sex-crazed morons should survive and yet one or two of them manage to defeat the killer in the end. Screw that!

I, and many others I’m sure, want the thrills and chills of a good ol’ fashioned horror film with a good ol’ fashioned movie monster, updated of course. I mean, we’re going for frights, not laughs and nostalgia. A guy in a rubber suit just doesn’t cut it anymore. It would have to be something pretty extraordinary that I think this guy and this guy could pull off, otherwise you’re gonna need some high quality special effects. But don’t over do it, a la Michael Bay or (current) George Lucas. If you’re filming the entire film on a green-screen set, you’re probably doing it wrong.



I think the last good monster films that I watched were Cloverfield and Apollo 18, and if you take out the nauseating shaky-cam effect of Cloverfield, they were solid and suspenseful monster films. They were filmed in a found footage style and you would only catch brief glimpses of the monsters in the beginning. But when you did see them, you jumped or chills shot up through your body. In the end, you would get fuller shots of the creatures, and they were even more frightening. Don’t forget, readers, a good monster film should contain a great amount of suspense to compliment the shock and horror.

So here’s what I’m getting at: I am months away from turning 30 years old and I haven’t been truly scared by a horror film in maybe 15 or 16 years and I miss the fear. I’m sure I’m not the only one, or maybe I’m just morbid. I miss the chills and thrills and waking up in cold sweats from the nightmares that keep me from sleeping properly for days on end. I want a movie that will scare me so much that I soil myself in terror from watching. Not because of how awful it is, Hollywood, but because it’s just that mortifying that it scares the crap out of me! Literally. And I want all of the spooky, terrible goings-ons to be performed by monsters. Real monsters. Frankenstein, Wolfman or werewolves, demons, goblins, ghouls, or any other bloodthirsty ne’er-do-wells you can rustle up. No more sparkly vampires, love-sick werewolves, lame ghosts, or boring zombies. And take it seriously! Avoid the teen slasher element.

There is loads of creative talent out there that can think up this stuff, myself included (hint hint), just take the time to search it out and give it a chance. Hell, tap into some of the geniuses from the comic book industry. Those guys are hella-talented! Just give us something that we’ll enjoy and want to watch over and over again, even though it’ll keep us up at night. Make us love Hollywood horror again.