Will you see Austin Powers 4 in the theater?

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Author Topic: Austin Powers 4 (TBA)  (Read 1311 times)

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Re: Austin Powers 4 (TBA)
« Reply #30 on: January 27, 2013, 03:48:33 pm »
You know, it's a shame that Honey is human cause you realize if she was a Fembot she'd be packin' patriots.  But if she's human she can contribute more to the plot, competing with Melanie for Austin's affections, bringing some of that same naivete that led Heather Graham to sleep with Fat Bastard in the second flick...

Okay, here's what I've got in my head so far.  It pretty much follows the layout of the third movie:

We start with the New Line logos with some moody contemporary music over, that bleeds into a poppy cover of "Uptown Girl" being sung by Kate Upton's character (cause they sound similar.  Really, that's the only reason I thought of it).  There's a crew and a director in particular that we're paying attention to, but there's someone else.

One of the lesser crewmembers, we realize after a few moments, is Mike Myers!  But not as Austin, just Mike in coveralls.  You think he's a stagehand but he's actually up to something.  Whenever we see Upton getting too sexy we cut back to Myers doing something zany.

At the big moment of the song, Upton's back is turned and the director pulls out a gun.  He's gonna get her!  But before he can, Judo Chop! right in the neck and he's down for the count.

Upton turns and sees what's happened.  Shock, but relief.

The producer barges in, demanding to know what's going on.  JJ Abrams?  Myers tells him that this director is actually an assassin.  Abrams asks "okay, but who are you?"  And Myers pulls off his own face, Mission Impossible style, to reveal Austin Powers beneath.  "I'm back baby, yeah!"

That great theme music starts. we have a whole song and dance number, we even go to the Hollywood Bowl with a huge orchestra performing the theme, Austin in a fancy suit and Upton in a fancy gown.  "Ladies and gentlemen, Mister Yo Yo Ma!"  Violin solo.  Everyone is respectful but Austin does a tiny bit of the dance while he's standing there pretending not to move.

The music kicks back in and we're dancing again.  Austin spins a pinwheel at the screen and we get a psychadelic kaliedescope.  You remember this moment from the opening of Skyfall?:

Well, we get that but the girls are, in this order, Keeley Hazell, Kate Upton, and then Austin himself with that rug of chest hair, doing his own "sexy" moves that we know so well.  That pattern repeats a few times, with one of Dr Evil and a few old favourites tossed in as easter eggs.

The song ends, then we cut to the new evil headquarters.  You have SCOTT EVIL in the main chair.  Will Ferrell is back as Mustafa, we have COLIN QUINN as a resentful lower-level baddie (he was originally intended to be Scott, you'll recall), Frau, and ROBERT DOWNEY JR with an eyepatch and dark blue suit a la Number Two.

Scott goes on about his new evil scheme, but they're interrupted by a dark figure that appears in the door.

"Who are you?"
"I'm in charge of this operation now."

The newcomer has a device on her wrist, the pain device from "Spock's Brain."  She presses a button labeled "ROBERT DOWNEY JR" and he falls backwards into the fire pit.  The others quickly bolt out of their seats.

The new boss steps out.  The future Mrs Rocks herself, Halle Berry, our villian for this movie.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2013, 04:07:07 pm by Neumatic »


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