Author Topic: The Man Rules  (Read 31 times)

0 Members and 0 Guests are viewing this topic.

Mac

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9913
  • Dewey Cheatham & Howe LLP
  • Location: Little Ol Town in the Midwest
    • View Profile
The Man Rules
« on: October 17, 2011, 08:19:59 am »
The Man's Rules !!

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are the rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
 
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short
hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women
always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just
say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look
good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.  That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine.  Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
camping.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
« Last Edit: October 17, 2011, 08:24:50 am by Mac »
Believe in Yourself
Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter


Chiprocks1

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 25364
  • Tell me a joke...
    • View Profile
Re: The Man Rules
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2011, 08:28:57 am »
Amen to that.
Chip's Rockin' Art
Michael Scott To Meredith: "You've slept with so many men, your starting to look like one. BOOM! Roasted! Go here.

 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
2 Replies
203 Views
Last post April 30, 2012, 04:37:16 pm
by Chiprocks1
1 Replies
44 Views
Last post August 13, 2012, 07:44:43 pm
by Chiprocks1
3 Replies
45 Views
Last post March 16, 2013, 07:33:02 am
by Neumatic
4 Replies
58 Views
Last post March 18, 2013, 05:17:04 pm
by Mac

Automatic Image Resize Code