Senior Moment

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically I headed for the parking lot. My wife,Brenda, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately call the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. I always call her “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane’s voice, “Vince,” she barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”

Brenda retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car!”

A 50- something year old white woman arrived at her seat on a crowded flight and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to a black man. Disgusted, the woman immediately summoned the flight attendant and demanded a new seat. The woman said "I cannot sit here next to this black man." The fight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another seat." After checking, the flight attendant returned and stated "Ma'am, there are no more seats in economy, but I will check with the captain and see if there is something in first class." About 10 minutes went by and the flight attendant returned and stated "The captain has confirmed that there are no more seats in economy, but there is one in first class. It is our company policy to never move a person from economy to first class, but being that it would be some sort of scandal to force a person to sit next to an UNPLEASANT person, the captain agreed to make the switch to first class." Before the woman could say anything, the attendant gestured to the black man and said, "Therefore sir, if you would so kindly retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of first class as the captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant person." Passengers in the seats nearby began to applause while some gave a standing ovation.

That sounds more like a legit thing that happened instead of an actual joke to which I APPLAUD!!!

Yea, I thought it was brilliant. Kinda opening the door of the way we should think. Slam the s hitty thinking down.



Reminds me of something I witnessed years ago. Elton John played at our July 4th down on the river. Huge crowd. Just sit somewhere on the grass. People eventually created these random ad-hoc paths to walk through the throngs of people and blankets.

Along comes this long line of people (10-15). It turned out they were family. The lead guy was wearing a pink shirt. Some dumb @ss sitting down decided to make a derogatory comment about the 'man' wearing a pink shirt. He unfortunately said it loud enough where the people behind in the line heard it.

Yelling to the front - "Hey Frank. This guy here called you a fag"
"What? Who?"
"This guy sitting right here... called you a fag"

The whole family stopped... and all filed back around the guy.

I thought an @ss kicking was going to happen. About a million eyes on the scene unfolding.
Just major words... one way, were said and the end.

I believe that was a major point in my life I told myself I don't need to say... out loud... what is on my mind.

The Gorilla and the Redneck:

A small zoo in  Georgia obtained a very
rare species of gorilla.

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female,
became very difficult to handle. Upon
examination, the veterinarian determined
the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To
make matters worse, there was no male
gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo
Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a
redneck part-time worker responsible for
cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee,
like most rednecks, had little sense but
possessed ample ability to satisfy a
female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have
a solution. Bobby Lee was approached
with a proposition. Would he be willing
to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but
said he would have to think the matter
over carefully. The following day, he
announced that he would accept their
offer, but only under five conditions:

"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna
kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly
agreed to this condition.

"Second", he said, "She must wear a
'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The
keeper again readily agreed to this
condition.

"Third", he said, "you can't never tell no
one about this." The keeper again
readily agreed to this condition.

"Fourth", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the
children raised Southern Baptist." Once
again it was agreed.

"And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'll need
another week to come up with the $500.00.

My Cave or hers? Decisions...................

BOOOOOOOM!!!!!!

Take THAT Mr. Atheist!!!